A Spoon Full of Sugar & Bourbon

Ah, Monday. My enemy. Monday is my homework day. Here's the protocol:

Wake up. Usually by noon- worse case scenario. Today I was up at 9AM because I dreamt it was raining and I left all the windows open. On a side note, in my dream I had the F-ing sweetest ninja moves and totally kicked ass- had a suit like Angelina Jolie in that opening scene in the that Mr & Mrs Smith movie (whatever the fuck it was called).

Today at 9am I turned on the news- I skip around the news stations and surf online at CNN and click on every news lead I can find. Here's my rational- I work in an environment that caters to the political, legal, media crowd and I need to be somewhat savvy of what's going on. Ladies- smart is sexy. Don't play dumb. Smart hot blondes are better that ditzy and a brunette who can fire off a political rebuttal is downright exciting. Damn!

News up to date, by noon I make sure I'm ready to head out for food/coffee... But today was different. Last night a friend emailed me this "thing" to improve my life. Minus the religious artwork and pink stationary, here's the text:

Be intelligent, smart, and savvy.

Be thoughtful, kind, and courteous.

Be beautiful, strong, and bold.

Listen and observe.

Be positive, find the good in people and situation, build up those around me.

Do my best, do it with enthusiasm, and with a smile.

Decide what kind of day to have every morning.

Help strangers, volunteer, give.

Give more than people expect from you and give without being asked to.

Keep your word, under-promise and over-deliver, only give advice when asked.

Lose fear, have faith, take actions toward your dreams.

And here's the Katrina Whitney take on it:

Be intelligent, smart, and savvy.

Shop at Nordstrom Rack and outlets it you have to- seriously. Don't ever pay for a drink- let someone else pick it up and if you do have to eat/drink on your dime either do it at Costco or during Happy Hour. Duh.

Be thoughtful, kind, and courteous.

Just smile and swing your hips- this makes up for everything.

Be beautiful, strong, and bold.

Push-up bra, rhinestone thong, and red lipstick.

Listen and observe.

Is he single and is he checking out other girls ? AND/OR does he have a vacation home and open weekends?

Be positive, find the good in people and situation, build up those around me.

Don't settle for sloppy seconds. Yeah, you heard me.

Do my best, do it with enthusiasm, and with a smile.

If you're going to fake an orgasim, you better fucking sell it. But leave enough mystery and anticipation to leave him wanting more.)

Decide what kind of day to have every morning.

TBD by who you're in bed with.

Help strangers, volunteer, give.

I had a friend who worked at Sake's 5th Avenue and some scuzzy lady came in wanting to look at fur coats. It was slow so she was like, whatever. Turns out this lady was the sister of some crazy rich famous jazz guy and dropped $5,000 cash on a couple coats. DON'T JUDGE. Assume everyone is a celebrity or has a hot brother that you will be introduced to.

Give more than people expect from you and give without being asked to.

DON'T JUDGE. You get what you give.

Keep your word, under-promise and over-deliver, only give advice when asked.

Let him think you've only been with a couple guys... or play the virgin card (I do). If you don't ever want to see him again, bust out all the moves. That's what I call leaving an impression. On his face. And groin.

Lose fear, have faith, take actions toward your dreams.

Jagermeister, Patron, Bacardi. And a hot outfit.

I've got extra drama to report but that deserves a whole other entry and a stiff drink. Seriously.